Author Archives: Stephanie Oyler

Before I begin, I want to ask you to keep this in your mind as you read this blog article. “What comes to mind when you see or hear the words ‘Parents’ or ‘Teachers’?” What would your response have been when you were child/youth? How would you hope your children, future children, nieces, nephews, students,Continue reading “Expanding the Umbrella of Secondary Rejection”

There are many ways that adoption trauma surfaces at different times throughout an adoptee’s childhood and lifespan. There are no continuing training requirements and the lack of adequate and quality training for adoptive parents’ preadoption finalization can lead to very dangerous outcomes for children and youth who have been adopted.  One category of abuse hasContinue reading “The Thread of Trauma Woven Between Spiritual Abuse, Control, and Adoption; My Childhood Introduction”

I find myself reflecting on the year as 2021 is quickly coming to a close. This year was filled with many hard things. Many things that spiraled out of my control and brought up a lot of hard things to reprocess as an adoptee. The word Control keeps coming to the forefront of my mindContinue reading “Transitioning from Control to Peace”

When I was given the entirely too large stack of files from my childhood late last year, it was a lot to process. The files contained everything from my childhood; before and after Foster care and my adoption. It contained items such as newborn discharge paperwork, evaluations, IEPS, report cards, even short stories I wrote.Continue reading “Genetic Essentialism and Why it is Important to Understand in Adoption”

The anniversary of my first mother’s death is here. She passed away last year on November 3, 2019. Her name was Ann Marie. Last week I was sitting in the Costco parking lot and read a post on Facebook around loss. Immediately I began to cry. I sat in the Costco parking lot for 45Continue reading “A Story Untold: My First Mother; Ann Marie”

For as long as I can remember, my looks were a focus of conversation. As a transracially adopted child, growing up, a wide range of individuals (family members, church members, friends, classmates, and even teachers and professionals) commented on my hair, my facial features and my body. I grew up in a predominantly white space,Continue reading ““She’s Beautiful” is not an Acceptable Answer”

I grew up in a conservative Christian adoptive home. My white adoptive parents subscribed to a colorblind mindset. Because of that, I grew up feeling uncomfortable embracing my identity as a BIPOC. The same people who claimed they did not see skin color were also those that called attention to how mine did not match.Continue reading “The Dawn of Discovering Racial Identity as a Transracial Adoptee”

With each new racial injustice making the news, I know the work my clients will bring with them to our next therapy session. We will set aside their goals and what we had planned to discuss. My clients’ need to process continued trauma to their community will take precedence over everything else. Increasingly over theContinue reading “4 Simple Responses Instead of “I Understand” During Tough Conversations with your Adopted Child”

Lately, I sift through files given to me months ago. I go slowly, because there is a lot. The files go back to when I entered foster care at the age of two weeks. They contain every imaginable detail of a young child’s life. They contain evidence of the systemic racism, discrimination, and stereotyping oneContinue reading “A Snapshot; Growing up as an Over- and Misdiagnosed Transracial Adoptee”